Title: I want somebody
*can come after who and loves*
Glowing blue light lit up the small room, harsh on the fair skin of his face, deep shadows settled comfortably around him as well as under his eyes and cheek bones. The small whirring noise of the air conditioning and the occasional click of the mouse broke the heavy muffled silence of summer.
Page after page, search after search, Matsujun scanned over them all slowly, not wanting to miss a single detail. This was too important to mess up.
Another click, another blank screen of painfully slow loading, and then the words he was searching for popped up on the screen. Matsujun smiled slowly, leaning forward as he began to read, the words reflecting in his intent dark eyes. ‘Hypnotism. Teach yourself how…’.
Finally…he could make the one thing happen that would never and could never happen. He could make the one person he loved love him back, if only just for a little while. Matsujun was desperate, and he’d finally found his means.
Their tour was just starting, thus it was the perfect time for him to try it. They’d be together all day, riding on the trains, then all together in the van, and then later checking into some hotel. He’d get to see him so much more than normal, and he could even bring him to his room completely naturally. If it didn’t work, he could easily laugh it off as a joke, although he knew only too well he’d soon after have to leave to be alone to nurse his aching heart… he just hoped that wouldn’t happen.
The percentage rate of success was actually very high in his mind, he’d seen hypnotism work on him over and over, he’d seen him forget his nationality, even forget his own name. If he could do it right, if he could get him alone, get him to relax and listen…he could have that one thing he craved with all his heart. Ohno’s love.
Just once. He only needed to hear it once… those words. Even if it was all fake, even if it was through something like this that he could hear it, it didn’t matter. Too long had he been watching and hurting, too long had he been deeply in love with one of his best friends. He couldn’t let another day go by.
Laying comfortably on his hotel bed, Matsujun read and reread the steps, whispering the words out loud and forcing his mind to remember them. Anyone can hypnotize, it said, even -he- could do it. Confidence grew slowly, but it was there nonetheless. He hadn’t really anything to lose either.
Surely it would work, he could have Ohno all to himself for at least thirty minutes…tomorrow night he would try it. Tomorrow night he would try it, and finally confess.
Minds haphazardly unwinding in incomprehensible loops, while eyes drooped and limbs ached, Arashi climbed wearily into the van that would take them back to the hotel. Their words were soft and rather sparse, small echoes of the exemplified song that had poured around them merely minutes earlier.
Matsujun was sitting a seat behind him, eyelids lowered with fatigue, yet still open and watching all the same. He smiled fondly as Ohno swayed slightly in his seat, eyes closed and shoulders sagging. He wanted to be there for him to lean on, but was content to just watch as well. The way Ohno struggled yet failed to keep his eyes open was unbearably cute.
It was a miracle he hadn’t fallen asleep himself by the time they finally pulled up at their destination. Nino was asleep long ago, head pillowed intimately on Sho’s shoulder, while the other stared out the black window with glazed eyes - too tired to sleep or even blink.
A sudden draft of cool air fluttered over his face, and Matsujun turned to see Aiba already climbing out of the van. The snap of the door sliding closed behind him woke Nino with a start, and his head flew up the same time Sho finally blinked.
Slowly feeling more awake as his attention honed back in on Ohno, Matsujun gathered himself up and moved towards the other. One hand gently laid on his shoulder, shaking him awake. The way Ohno looked up at him with big blurry eyes made his breath catch slightly, especially since a small smile graced that face as soon as he recognized who Matsujun was. He loved it when Ohno looked at him like that.
"Come on, Oh-chan, we’re here…"
He lifted Ohno’s bag to his own shoulder as the other groaned tiredly and rubbed both hands over his face. There was weariness in his every movement, a slow lethargy that Matsujun couldn’t help but see as graceful nonetheless. He wanted to memorize every movement, to know him inside and out by heart, he couldn’t bear the thought of not knowing everything about him. Every expression, every word, he loved them all too much.
Ohno stumbled along beside him as Matsujun led them inside. Fighting to control the urge to reach out to Ohno and support him along their way, Matsujun was starting to tense up, the nervousness at what he was going to try to do trickling in steadily growing streams into his stomach. He needed it to work. It just had to. If it didn’t he might lose Ohno, and if it did he’d only have a short time of bliss then it would be back to just friends.
As he found his room and opened the door for Ohno to enter the warmly lit space, he let a small sigh of relief escape his chapped lips - he’d been nervously wetting them far too often these last few minutes. At least Ohno hadn’t requested going to own room, following Matsujun without question. That small worry about actually getting Ohno into his room was no longer an issue, and Matsujun followed him in feeling a little better.
While Matsujun set down their things Ohno made his way straight to the bed, laying himself down with a gusty sigh, his half-opened eyes closing completely. Matsujun looked up at the sound, his face splitting into a grin as he saw Ohno. Chuckling fondly, Matsujun went over to the bed, sitting down beside Ohno, and resting his hand on his back a moment before starting to rub in slow circles.
"Hey, Oh-chan, don’t fall asleep yet…" Matsujun muttered, letting a little whine enter his voice.
Ohno gave a faint humph in response, his lips twitching slightly as if he was trying to hold back a smile. Matsujun continued to give Ohno a mini back massage, liking to feel the warm muscles of Ohno’s back under his fingers, but when he noticed Ohno’s breathing was getting more steady and shallow, he suddenly stopped. As much as he loved to put Ohno to sleep like this, and also loved to watch him sleep… he was forgetting his plan.
Poking his fingers into Ohno’s side, Matsujun bit his lip a little guiltily as Ohno’s eyes flew open with a start. He twisted to look around at Jun, sending him a half-hearted little glare, but when their eyes met he allowed Matsujun a small smile. Matsujun returned it, before grabbing Ohno’s shoulder and waist and rolling him over onto his back.
"Here, roll over… I want to try something."
Ohno let himself be moved, yawning in Matsujun’s face pointedly, the action half-eating his words. "Whadda ya wanna do?" Another yawn, "I wanna sleep, I’m tired…"
"Yeah, yeah, fine." Matsujun placed his hands on either side of Ohno’s temples, pressing his fingers against the skin gently. "Close your eyes." Gently he lifted one hand and snapped right next to one of Ohno’s ears, "Go to sleep…" He then began moving his hands in slow circles, watching Ohno’s face to make sure he was relaxing. The steps were clear in his mind and he took a slow deep breath before he finally began to speak.
Matsujun talked in as soothing of a voice as he could, trying to lull Ohno into that state of mind in between sleep and awake. His voice flowed around them, bringing a calm heavy feeling into the room. The jumpy nerves filling his stomach slowly died down as Matsujun continued to talk, drawing Ohno into his dream world, capturing him in his mind and rocking him gently in arms of water.
He wasn’t sure when it happened, or how he knew it when it did, but somehow he knew he’d done it, Ohno was in the exact right state of mind, and it was time to take the next step. Letting his hands slip away from Ohno’s head, Matsujun looked down at him with his heart thumping slow and loud in his chest. He was ready to try it…
"Oh-chan…" Matsujun placed one hand on Ohno’s forehead, the skin was cool to the touch, while his hand was too warm and also trembling slightly. He took a steadying breath. "When I say the word, you will wake up… and you will…love me. You wont be able to think of anyone but me…and you’ll be so happy because you’ll know that I love you too…"
He trailed off and silence filled the air in place of his words. It was so quiet, but something was hanging in the air, just waiting, waiting for the next thing to happen. Matsujun was tense, his fist clenched in his lap as he watched Ohno, expecting the other to open his eyes any moment and look up at him with shocked and disgusted eyes. It couldn’t have really worked…
When Ohno continued to lay there silently, a sweet relaxed expression on his face, Matsujun gathered his courage and gently snapped his fingers one more time, speaking the activating word. He watched worried and transfixed as Ohno’s eyes slowly slid open.
He stared up at the ceiling for a moment, before his eyes traveled down and met with Matsujun’s. He looked the same as always, he looked awake and fully conscious of his thoughts… Matsujun’s jaw clenched. But then Ohno’s face split into a delighted smile and his arms were coming up to slip around Matsujun’s neck, pulling him down onto the bed beside him.
Matsujun’s heart seemed to stop as Ohno reached out to him, his body sinking down to lay against Ohno almost bonelessly. Ohno’s arms readjusted themselves around Matsujun’s neck more comfortably, and Matsujun realized how close Ohno’s face was, and that Ohno was looking straight at him. He couldn’t find his breath, he couldn’t organize his thoughts, he couldn’t believe it!
"What’s with your expression?" Ohno’s voice was light and teasing, his smile not fading as he began to run his fingers through Matsujun’s hair.
Unable to say a word, unable to think, Matsujun just locked his eyes onto Ohno’s face and smile, loving every touch, loving everything he saw. He didn’t want to even blink for fear he’d miss one moment. But Ohno was watching him with a slightly worried expression.
"Daijoubu? Did something happen?" Matsujun swallowed hard, unable to truthfully answer that question, and just settling for shaking his head slightly. Ohno looked over him in concern, then leaned in to press his lips gently against Matsujun’s cheek. "Well you can just sleep here with me until you feel better." He pulled himself closer to Matsujun so that they were pressed all the way together and Matsujun though he was going to faint.
Matsujun’s skin burned where Ohno’s lips had touched him. He was completely -not- used to this, and having Ohno being this sweet and loving was almost breaking his heart. Finally, slowly, he moved his arms to circle around Ohno, locking him in his arms as if he never wanted to let go. He hesitantly moved his head forward to rest against Ohno’s, his shallow breath mingling with Ohno’s.
Almost afraid to give into the moment and enjoy it since he knew it wouldn’t last, and since it wasn’t exactly true - only a situation he created by tricking Ohno’s mind when he was tired… Matsujun could only hold Ohno tightly, his whole body trembling. Why couldn’t this be real? Couldn’t it last for them? If only Ohno could care for him this much in real life… he’d give anything… and he -had-… going to the extreme to get it. But it was only what he selfishly wanted, Matsujun didn’t know what or who Ohno wanted, and he was afraid to find out since he knew it wouldn’t be him.
Matsujun was pulled out of his troublesome thoughts as Ohno’s hand began stroking his cheek. Ohno’s smile was so sweet and loving Matsujun didn’t know how to react. He was completely unprepared for this, yet he’d brought it all upon himself foolishly.
Ohno sighed a little, looking deep into Matsujun’s eyes. "It makes me worried when you look at me like that, Jun. You don’t have to doubt me, I love you." The certainty and truth in his eyes were undeniable, but Matsujun knew they weren’t real. But then for just now, he could pretend that they were.
"I love you too." He returned, watching with a sad smile as Ohno’s face lit up.
Ohno’s eyes were intent on his face, then he was moving closer, his eyes were slipping closed. All of the sudden panicking, Matsujun reached up quickly to lay his fingers against Ohno’s lips, preventing him from coming any closer. Ohno’s eyes opened wide and he looked at Matsujun in slight confusion, but Matsujun couldn’t say anything to him, just looked away from the question in Ohno’s eyes.
His eyes flew back to Ohno’s face, though, as he mumbled Matsujun’s name somewhat sadly.
"Don’t you want to kiss me?" Ohno whispered to him, the look on his face almost forlorn as Matsujun stared at him somewhat lost.
Sighing slightly, the feeling that he was doing something awful growing, Matsujun knew he was using Ohno and betraying his trust as he replied softly. "Yes. Of course I do."
Cool fingers threaded through his own, and Ohno moved a little closer, his voice low. "Then why wont you?"
Matsujun wanted to pull his hands away from Ohno, he wanted to push Ohno away, he wanted to get up and run out of the room. He couldn’t believe he’d done this to the one he held precious above all else. How could he say he truly loved Ohno when he’d done something like this? But still he couldn’t do it, he couldn’t pull away, he didn’t want to see the hurt on Ohno’s face even when he knew Ohno wasn’t in his right mind.
"I shouldn’t…" Matsujun muttered almost just to himself, but Ohno heard him and shrunk away a little bit. Seeing that hurt Matsujun even more, and he decided he’d had enough and that he couldn’t make this go on any longer. Even if it hurt Ohno right now, as soon as he woke up from the hypnosis, he wouldn’t remember any of it… he wouldn’t know what’d happened, and everything would be fine again. Matsujun knew he had to be the one to live with that ache always in his chest, but he didn’t care as long as Ohno would be happy.
Looking over Ohno one more time, his heart constricting, Matsujun ran his hand through Ohno’s hair lovingly, then finally pushed himself up, turning away from the other.
"Oh-chan, I’m so sorry I did this. I’m gonna leave now… you just try to go to sleep okay?" He bowed his head in shame, his heart hurt so much. He couldn’t even look at Ohno any more, he didn’t know how he’d be able to face him now. He shouldn’t have ever done this.
Just as he was steeling himself and about to get up to leave the room, warm arms were wrapping around his waist from behind and Ohno was laying his head on Matsujun’s back.
"Please don’t leave me, Jun." Came the wavering plea, and when Matsujun reached over to try and pull Ohno’s arms away, Ohno just clung to him tighter. "I know what you did, and I really mean it when I say I love you. And I believe you. You wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t mean it."
Matsujun froze completely, his heart stopping. What did he mean? What did he know? Turning sharply to look down into Ohno’s earnest face, Matsujun could see that something in his eyes had changed. He didn’t look sleepy or confused in the least, and his eyes were shinning with emotion.
Hesitantly, Matsujun spoke in a small voice. "You know what I did?"
To his slight surprise, Ohno smiled faintly, nodding in a knowing way that was at the same time extremely cute. "Remember, Jun, you’ve been hypnotized before too… you can only go into it if you want to." Matsujun could feel his cheeks coloring slightly with embarrassment. He was at a loss for words, but Ohno continued, watching Matsujun with gentle eyes. "It was working, but then once I heard what you wanted..." He faded off, smiling widely. "It’s what I wanted too."
Slowly, Matsujun began to smile as well, and when Ohno opened his arms to him, he leaned forward with a delighted laugh. Knocking Ohno back down to the bed, Matsujun enjoyed a good few minutes of trying to hug him to death. When the laughing, gasping for air Ohno was finally able to loosen Matsujun’s hold a little, their laughter died down as they stared directly into each other’s eyes.
Matsujun didn’t know which of them moved forwards first, but the next thing he knew their lips were pressing softly together, and Ohno’s arms were wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. His mind shut off, and all he was aware of was Ohno’s mouth, and Ohno’s hands in his hair, and the feel of Ohno’s warm skin under his fingertips.
He felt it all almost through a daze, pulling back to see Ohno smiling up at him, to hear Ohno’s whispered words. He felt as if -he’d- been the one hypnotized, all he could think and feel was Ohno, was the pounding of his own heart… of both their hearts as Ohno cradled Jun’s head against his chest. But if he was hypnotized, he never wanted to wake from it, he wanted this moment to last forever. He wanted -them- to last forever.
When he lifted his head to gaze into Ohno’s happy smiling face, he could see himself reflected in Ohno’s eyes… as if he was all Ohno could see. And Matsujun knew, as sure as the soaring feeling that was now filling him, that this was only the very beginning, only the first glimmer of what would be their never-ending.
*i hate writing endings~ ;o;xD + abrupt cuz it kinda died on me halfway...and suddenly felt i really can't write jun how i wanted